


My Baby Cried All Night Long

by coquet



Series: Match Made In Heaven (To Carry Out The Devil’s Plan) [1]
Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dark, Killer!John, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-22 08:06:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19663240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coquet/pseuds/coquet
Summary: Paul sees John for the first time in years, not fully ready for what happens.





	My Baby Cried All Night Long

**Author's Note:**

> Yikes, in my head I wanted to write something sweet but this is what comes out

Paul doesn’t know what to do when he initially sees John.  _His_ John, the one who  promised him the world in Paris, the same one that killed women before coming home to him and their newly adopted baby. It was a scary contrast, killer John and husband John. The world saw him as evil, an example of what was wrong and twisted. He knows John isn’t evil, all the nights spent under a warm blanket and listening to him talk about how much he loved him convinced him otherwise. He’s just  _ sick _ ,  mentally  ill. 

John was strapped down to the bed, unable to move anything except his head. The doctor told him it was safer, and Paul figures being constrained like an animal was anything but safe. 

“Paulie! You came!” John sounds happy, looks it too, beaming up at him. 

Paul dares a glance at John’s neck, wincing at the sight of rope imprints that still remained. He was warned that they’d still be there— it took more than two days for bruising like that to disappear. Guilt constricts his chest, because maybe if he’d responded to any of his letters that wouldn’t have happened. After all of John’s attempts to contact him, the one that almost kills him is the one Paul responds to. 

“Of course I did. I care about you, John, you know that right?” Paul needs him to know, to put an end to his self harm before he’s pumped with meds or worse. 

“So you’re taking me home, then?” John asked. 

Paul frowns, wondering if John even knew that he could never just get released like that. He sat on the bed beside him, staring at his right arm. 

“You don’t like it here?” 

John balls his hand up and Paul can see all of the muscles in his arm strain against the leather restraints. What would happen to him if those buckles broke right now? 

“They fucking abuse me, Paul! I get zapped in my goddamn head whenever I don’t act like a mindless retard!” John shouts, thrashing against the bed with all of his strength. Paul looks at him, scared at the _emptiness_ in his darkened eyes. 

“You’re sick, Johnny. You’re sick and I can’t help you. This place... they can cure you,” Paul covers John’s fist with his hand, attempting to calm him down. If anyone hears him yelling they’re sure to end this reunion. 

“You want me to become a vegetable? They might give me a lobotomy, y’know, make me all slow,” John mumbled. His body relaxes, which Paul takes as a good sign. Resignation was better than anger. 

“I wouldn’t let them,” he cups John’s cheek, stroking it. 

John turns his head the other way, rejecting his affection. “It’s not up to you. They own me, now.” 

Ever since he’s been deemed mad the government was quick to lock him up in a mental ward. Paul had figured it’s their responsibility to do so, keep the ‘crazies’ off the street. He spent years trying to avoid John, letting the state handle him, and here he was stupidly making the man worse. Just like he always has. 

“Did I push you to kill those women?” The question has always plagued him, ever since he read an article about John that put the blame on him. It was convincing, the only times he killed correlated with when they fought. 

John looks at him with furrowed brows, concern readily apparent on his face. 

“I get romanticized, baby. You’re the only one they can put the blame on to make me look like a good person.” 

_Baby_ . He missed being called that. He missed John calling him that. They had such a perfect life and in an instant it disappeared. There was no time for him to truly morn over what had happened because he had to be strong for Julian. Paul felt his chest constrict, face getting hot as tears began to blur his vision. He promised himself that he wouldn’t cry here, in front of John, it was easier for the both of them that way. 

“Paul, are you okay?” John asked, and that’s all it takes for him to cave in because he hasn’t been okay in years. 

Paul shakes his head. Hot, fat, ugly tears streak down his face as he attempts to not start sobbing. 

“C’mon, now. You remember when you started cryin’ after I proposed? I can’t comfort for shit,” John tries to joke, smile on his face that doesn’t reach his eyes. 

“I wanna go back,” Paul choked out. He collapsed on top of the man and buried his face into his neck, sobbing uncontrollably. 

“I love you. I want to go back too. Proposing to you was the biggest mistake I made, it was selfish of me to take away your happiness,” John sighed, pressing his cheek against the raven hair beneath him. 

Paul squeezed John’s sides and gasped for breath. His head was pounding from crying. John felt thinner than before beneath him. He probably did too, eating was hard to do when you’re depressed. 

“Julian’s biological father is a murder. He’ll never live a normal life. You won’t either, and I’m so sorry, Paul,” John kisses the top of his head, “everything’s my fault, don’t forget that.” 

“You sound like you’re saying goodbye,” Paul whispers, gripping John’s shirt between the constraints. This can’t be the last time they talk, not even able to properly hug. 

“I’m goin’ to break out of here. Go far away. I won’t be able to talk to you when I’m gone,” John explained. 

Paul traces the bruises along his neck. “Visit me before you leave?” John can’t live out in the real world anymore. He needs the protection of this ward. 

“Sure, Macca.” 

The door opens, the same doctor who’d brought Paul in here stood at the doorway. Two nurses were behind him, tense and ready for what might happen. 

“The visit is over,” he informs, looking between the two of them with unease. 

Paul peels himself off of John, heart sinking. He’s going to have to turn him in, sooner or later. Betray the same man who unintentionally betrayed him. 

Before he leaves, he pulls out a drawing Jules made for him and placed it on the table next to his bed. “I _love_ you too, John.” 


End file.
